Bridesmaids and the Dresses they wear

“Sooooo…. what are you doing for bridesmaid’s dresses?” I texted my friend Jamie the other night.

Jamie’s wedding it is about 2 months after mine in another high-end location. Her wedding is a bit bigger and… well, literally the opposite end of the spectrum from mine.

Simple fact, Jamie and I are two totally different brides, with two totally different weddings, and two totally different sets of bridesmaids. We each are having our own wedding planning experiences and we’re thrilled to lean on one another through it. She and I have been each other’s bridal confidant as of late, and it’s been a nice change to talk to someone in the trenches with me as opposed to someone who’s already crossed the finish line.

Almost immediately, she responds with a graphic of her 5 bridesmaids headshots over an image of the bridesmaids dress… she then explained how she chose a variety of options from a particular salon, and how her bridesmaids have already chosen their gowns….

Instantly, my brain goes “OMG, her wedding is TWO MONTHS after mine…. She’s SO organized.”

either that or her bridesmaids are SUPER motivated #hintbridesmaidshint

Of course, my anxiety brain kicks in and I start going into the “what ifs….”
Those are lovely by the way
”what if my bridesmaids find something I don’t like?”
”what if they find something that will upstage me?”
”what if they end up needing to buy something the week of the wedding?”

BAH!

Then I remember Stephanie’s wise words “It’s a marathon, not a sprint” and I started making a different list.

Jamie’s and my weddings ARE very different… opposite ends of the spectrum, remember.
-Hers is a Grand Event at a Swank Resort with more than 100 guests and mine is City Hall and Lunch with less than 50 guests….
-She has five bridesmaids….that live in different parts of the country…. I have two…. and they’re both pretty close by.
-She’s having her bridesmaids get custom bridesmaids dresses…. I just asked mine to get something navy, everything else was up to them.

She and I are definitely following one trend…. we’re not having our bridesmaids wear the same dress. Her bridesmaids are all wearing similar dresses in different shades of one color….I just have mine choosing what dress they want to wear in one color… It’s been the trend lately and I really don’t see it going anywhere….

There are still tons of bridal parties who wear the same dress. Either way, whatever a bridesmaid wears on a wedding day is up to the bride. :-) Even if she gives you free range, you still have to check in. :-)

Historically, bridesmaids wore the same garments as the bride…or at least dresses that looked similar… to confuse evil spirits or jealous, jilted lovers. That role later evolved to bridesmaids helping the bride decorate and prepare the wedding feast. Now, bridesmaids are there to support the bride through her day. It’s definitely not a fun task having to choose bridesmaids.

I’m blessed to have sisters, childhood friends, work confidants, and a whole bunch of amazing, boss lady friends who would absolutely love to be my bridesmaids……. But I did have to consider a few things and it was tough having to break alot of hearts.

The Knot, BHLDN, Good Housekeeping, Martha Stewart Weddings, even Forbes have a WHOLE bunch of great advice on how to choose your wedding party.

There are a lot of common sense tips as well… a few tips I personally used:

1- Think TWICE before you ask. This is the Golden Rule. Once you ask, it’s really hard to go back. I have heard stories of sweet friendships turning sour after a bride-bridesmaid experience. It may be super tempting to ask ALL of your friends, but seriously, don’t. Take a few weeks to consider.. mull over questions like “Will they still be in my life five years from now?,” “will this person mesh well with my crowd?”, “is this person reliable or do they have a history of being late or standing me up?”, even ask yourself“can this person afford to be in my wedding?”. If there’s hesitations….it’s probably a good idea to leave that person out.

2- Consider the size of your wedding. I’ve seen a whole bunch of different sized wedding parties, and this rule definitely can hold the most truth. A larger guest list can support a larger wedding party….while a more intimate gathering would need fewer bridesmaids and groomsmen.

3- Set honest expectations - it’s up to YOU to set honest expectations with your bridesmaids. Just like how you make your own wedding planning experience, you need to communicate to you bridesmaids what you want as a bride. Do you want them involved in planning? Do you want them to plan a bridal shower or bachelorette party? Do you want them there while you get ready or just to show up and stand at the altar with you? Either way, you need to speak with them about what you’re wanting or needing of them.

I’m thrilled with who I chose to be my bridesmaids….I’m also thrilled with the boss ladies that will be in my house party, with me on my wedding day, and the ladies who will be at my bachelorette party.

But… to my two bridesmaids…y’all REALLY need to pick your dresses already! LOL!